Guide to Wedding Norms and Proper Wedding Etiquette 2024
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Being well-versed in wedding etiquette can help navigate complexities and avoid potential pitfalls for the happy couple. Weddings are momentous occasions filled with so much love and cherished memories. Knowing the do’s and don’ts will guide you into being the perfect guest.
Haven’t been to a wedding in a few years? Oh my, how times have changed! What was once common wedding etiquette has surely changed in recent years. In this post, we will explore how by following a few important guidelines, you are sure to pave the path for a perfect day for the special couple.
Promptly RSVP
You’ve officially received your invitation to the wedding in the mail. One of the first things you can do to show that you are respectful of the couple and applying proper wedding etiquette is to promptly respond to the wedding invitation. This can look differently as we embark on a digital age.
It is becoming more and more common to see online RSVP systems in place for responding to wedding invitations. This makes things a whole lot easier for you, as the guest, as you don’t even need to step out to your mailbox!
Please make sure to respond to the wedding invitation in a timely manner, if not by the specified date. Your RSVP helps the couple finalize all of their last minute details including final guest count, seating arrangements, and organizing guest favors.
Bringing a Plus One
You should quite frankly never assume that you can bring a plus one to a wedding unless your invitation specifies.
If you are married, your invitation would typically say, “Mr. and Mrs. …” That would indicate that your spouse is invited to the wedding.
I have seen spouses not invited to weddings; this could be if it is a random coworker or someone that they are not super close with and are just inviting because they have room for just one more.
Unmarried guests should check their invitation to see if it says their name “and guest”.
On this same token, never assume that your children are invited to the wedding.
If you have a special circumstance, perhaps traveling out of town without a babysitter, you may want to communicate with the couple and ask. The worst they can say is no, but you should never, ever assume that your kids are invited.
Couples getting married are already under tight budget constraints, so proper wedding etiquette is to check the invitation before assuming.
Follow the Dress Code
Read through the invitation or the couple’s wedding website to see what the dress code is.
The dress code should specify “cocktail”, “semi-formal”, or “formal/evening”.
Be sure to dress appropriately to fit the dress code. When in doubt, overdress! It is way better to be overdressed than underdressed.
It is becoming more common in recent years to have a specific color dress code. I have seen many weddings have an “all black” dress code, while others have a specific color palette to match the colors of the wedding party.
Whatever the case, make sure you follow it. You do not want to be wearing hot pink in a sea of all black!
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Arriving on Time
Arriving on time to the wedding ceremony is an absolute must for proper wedding etiquette.
In fact, you really should plan to arrive between 15 and 30 minutes prior to the scheduled start time of the ceremony. Wedding ceremonies typically start right on the dot.
Arriving late would cause huge disruptions, and you may not even be allowed to enter the ceremony after a certain time to not disrupt.
If you think you are going to be late, my suggestion is to skip the ceremony entirely. The couple would more than likely be relieved that you did not interrupt the ceremony. Honestly, they probably wouldn’t even notice a guest or two is missing!
Unplugged Ceremony
A recent wedding ceremony trend is to have an “unplugged ceremony”. This means that the couple does not want anyone to be on their phones during their wedding ceremony.
Couples pay a lot of money for their wedding photographers to capture the special moments. Let the photographers do their job if that is the request of the couple.
Signs usually indicate whether a ceremony is “unplugged” or not, so it is usually pretty easy to figure out if that is the couple’s request.
I regret not having an unplugged wedding ceremony. My husband did not notice, but as the doors of the ceremony opened for me to walk through, I instantly saw 100 arms raise and take photos of me as I started walking down the aisle.
That being said, I did not have a chance to look at my groom’s reaction as I came through those doors because all I could focus on was all the cell phones.
Respect the couple’s wishes, be present, and put your phones away for thirty minutes.
Wedding Gift
If you are attending a wedding, it is proper wedding etiquette to bring a gift. You may choose something from the couple’s wedding registry or give them cash or a check.
Think of it this way: the couple is likely paying somewhere between $100-$200 per guest. The least you can do is give them a gift in return.
In 2024, it is definitely more customary to give the gift of money for a wedding. Many couples really stretch their budget in order to make this once in a lifetime day happen.
It is customary to give a gift of $100 per person, so that would be a $200 gift if you are bringing a plus one.
Gifting money in a card is so much easier for travel as well. It is small enough that you can slip the card into your bag without it taking up much room, and it makes it easier for the couple to carry cards when leaving the venue instead of carrying huge gifts.
Follow the Seating Chart
Be sure to check where you are supposed to sit for dinner, whether it be on designated seating chart or escort cards at the wedding.
Proper wedding etiquette is to sit at your designated table. Typically, once at the table, you have freedom on your actual seat, but there may be place cards on your table as well.
Avoid messing this up and sitting at the wrong table.
As a 2023 bride, it takes a lot of time to create a harmonious seating chart, so be respectful of the seating arrangements.
Food Allergies or Restrictions
Should you need accommodations whether it be for a food allergy or other dietary restriction, be sure to reach out to the couple ahead of time.
Many times the RSVP card will include a spot to list your dietary needs.
Be sure to let them know ahead of time. Do not wait until the last minute. The couple needs to know this information as they are speaking to the caterers about selecting their menu.
Toasts or Speeches
If you are in the wedding party and/or are asked to give a toast or a speech, be sure to keep it brief. Everyone is waiting for their dinner, don’t drag it out longer than it needs to be!
You’ll want to make it personal and memorable, but try not to add any inside jokes or anything that could potentially embarrass the couple.
Practice your toast or speech ahead of time. Definitely practice your speech out loud! Read it to someone close to you so that you’ll be perfect on wedding day. You should even set a timer while speaking so you have an idea if you need to cut anything out.
By respecting the couple’s wishes, you are sure to be a stellar wedding guest. Everyone is bound to fully enjoy the special day if guests adhere to the guidelines listed above.
You’ll not only be a courteous guest, but also contribute to the overall success and flow of the wedding! Remember, weddings are a celebration of love, so by showing respect to the couple, this consideration can go a long way in making the special couple’s big day unforgettable.
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